It's been a while since I posted. My family were here for Christmas and as lovely as it was I am exhausted. It was rather strange waking up today with no R shouting mama (he's at his dads for NY) but also really lovely to be able to back to sleep. This NY couldn't be more different to last year when I was a sobbing angry mess. I have been invited to a dinner party which I nervously accepted. Nervously as I am not 100% sure how I will feel come the stroke of midnight but I haven't felt down for months now so hope I should be okay.
Last NY was the last time M and I were together. A few too many drinks on my part lead to me somehow thinking everything could be okay, I could forgive. The feeling quickly evaporated the next morning when I woke up to him nibbling my ear. A feeling I used to love but now made me feel sick. He was pretty mad when I pushed him off and said it had been a mistake.
I entered into the NY thinking I would never trust another man again. Well that's still a little true but - shock horror - I have been dating someone. It's not serious but still making me smile. Dating with a toddler is hard but J is really understanding. I don't know if we will progress further but I am enjoying the school girl flutter I get when I see him. I also have been offered a teaching job. I had intended to take time off work until R went to school but it's only part time and as my bitterness towards M fades I want to rely on him financially less and less. Him and I are in a good place in terms of being civil for our sons sake. It's been a real effort but I am feeling excited for the future. Looking back it was inevitable M and would have split at some point. It's so hard to see when you are in the middle of it all. The fact that he is still with THAT girl is actually in a way comforting. If she is his soulmate then I wish them the best. At least he didn't destroy what we had for something meaningless.
So for me 2014 is looking up. Fingers crossed for no more dramas :)
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